短文写作(共1题;满分25分)
根据下面中文提示写一篇120词左右的短文。
俗话说:早起的鸟儿有虫吃。请根据你生活中亲身经历的一件事,说明一切成功源于干凡事早做规划,不断追求,辛勤劳作。
The early bird will catch worms
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【参考作文地带整理范文】
The early bird will catch worms
An old saying “the early bird will catch worms”reminds us that if people want to be successful and outstanding ,they must plan ahead of time and make their efforts to overcome all the possible difficulties.
For example,the Chinese athletes’ excellent performance in 2010 Olympic winter games in Vancouver is definitely the result of their early planning and hard training 。if they don’t set the aim and word work,even though they have the best talents ,they can’t compete with others and get more medals.
Another case in point is my learning experience。I was good at English ,but I couldn’t pass the exam ,for I wasn’t prepared well before the examination。I had many things to solve at that time。As I met the complex things ,I was at a loss。The reason was that I had no plan and involved in many things and didn’t study more hard,so I failed.
In short ,the saying shows us the important of planning ,working hard and constantly trying.
作文地带点评:
一、文章结构分析
引言段:直接引用谚语,并解释其含义——成功需要提前计划和努力克服困难。
论证段1:以中国运动员在温哥华冬奥会的成功为例,说明提前规划和刻苦训练的重要性。
论证段2:以个人英语考试失败经历为例,从反面论证缺乏计划和准备的后果。
结论段:重申观点,强调计划、努力和持续尝试的重要性。
二、优点
观点明确:紧扣谚语内涵,逻辑连贯。
例证丰富:结合国家成就与个人经历,增强说服力。
语言基本通顺:能清晰表达思想,无严重语法错误。
三、可改进之处与建议
1. 语言表达与语法
拼写/打字错误:
“word work” → hard work(“word”为笔误)。
“the important of planning” → the importance of planning(应用名词形式)。
句式可多样化:
原文多为简单句和并列句,可适当使用从句或分词结构。
例如:“As I met the complex things, I was at a loss.”
可改为:Faced with complicated situations, I felt overwhelmed.
2. 例证与逻辑
运动员例子:
“2010 Olympic winter games in Vancouver” 时间表述需精确(2010年冬奥会实际在2010年举行,但常称“2010 Vancouver Olympics”)。
可补充具体运动员或项目,增强细节。
个人例子:
“I had many things to solve” 稍显笼统,可具体说明(如兼职、家庭事务等)。
逻辑可进一步强化:失败直接源于缺乏计划,而非“事情多”。
3. 词汇与搭配
用词提升:
“complex things” → complicated tasks/challenges。
“constantly trying” → persistent effort(更贴合“持续努力”)。
搭配准确性:
“get more medals” → win more medals(比赛获奖常用“win”)。
整体评价:文章符合议论文基本要求,观点清晰,例证相关。另外后面作文地带为您也拟写了一份优化后的版本,供您学习。
提升方向:
修正语法与拼写细节;
丰富句式结构与词汇;
增强例证的具体性和逻辑衔接。
以下是作文地带提供的优化版本:
The early bird will catch worms
The proverb “the early bird catches the worm” emphasizes that success and excellence require advance planning and relentless effort to overcome potential challenges.
A prime example is the outstanding performance of Chinese athletes at the 2010 Vancouver Winter Olympics. Their remarkable achievements were the direct result of years of meticulous preparation and rigorous training. Without clear goals and persistent hard work, even the most talented individuals cannot compete effectively or secure victories.
On a personal note, I experienced a setback in an English exam despite my proficiency in the subject. At that time, overwhelmed by multiple responsibilities and lacking a structured study plan, I failed to prepare adequately. This taught me that without proper planning and dedicated effort, success remains elusive.
In short, this saying highlights the importance of planning, diligence, and perseverance in achieving one’s goals.
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