随着电子产品使用增多,很多学生忽视了对眼睛的爱护,导致视力越来越差。请根据以下要点写一篇发言稿,介绍你在保护视力方面的一些做法。
内容提示:
1.正确使用电子产品;
2.坚持做眼保健操;
3.经常去户外活动。
要求:
1.词数80左右;
2.须包括所有内容要点,可适当发挥;
3.文中不能出现真实姓名、学校等信息。
参考词汇:lighting n.照明;screen n.屏幕;vision n.视野;digital device数码设备
写作范文
Dear classmates,
Many digital devices lead to poor eyesight, which reminds us to protect our eyes. As a student, I pay much attention to my eye health.
Firstly, I always keep proper lighting and a safe distance from the screen when I use digital devices. What's more, I keep doing eye exercises every day and spend time outdoors very often Additionally, I keep a healthy diet rich in vitamins A and C. which is good for eyesight.
Good eyesight is very important. So let's protect our eyes and enjoy clear vision for a better future.
作文地带点评:
这篇题为“Protect Our Eyes”的短文完成得相当出色,语言流畅、结构清晰,展现了良好的英语表达能力。以下是对文章的详细点评:
一、结构与内容
逻辑清晰:文章采用“问题引入 → 个人态度 → 具体措施 → 总结呼吁”的结构,层次分明,符合说明文的写作逻辑。
建议具体实用:从用眼习惯、日常锻炼到饮食健康,多方面提出了可操作的护眼方法,内容充实且贴近学生生活。
首尾呼应:开头点明问题,结尾强调护眼重要性并呼吁行动,形成完整闭环。
二、语言表达
词汇丰富准确:恰当使用了较高级词汇(如“proper lighting”“safe distance”“rich in vitamins”),体现了良好的语言积累。
句型多样:
使用了定语从句(“...which reminds us...”)
并列与递进结构(“Firstly... What's more... Additionally...”)
语气正式而积极:全文语气诚恳,符合“倡议保护眼睛”的主题,具有感染力。
三、可优化建议
细节微调:
“very often”可改为“regularly”或“frequently”使表达更简洁;
长句“Additionally... which is good for eyesight”可拆分为两句,避免从句过长。
内容延伸:若能加入一两个具体数据或研究结果(如“follow the 20-20-20 rule”),说服力会更强。
标点注意:“Additionally”后建议使用逗号与前句分开,使行文更规范。
四、总结
本文是一篇优秀的学生习作,结构严谨、语言流畅、主题鲜明,充分体现了作者对健康生活的关注与英语写作能力。若能在细节处稍作打磨,文章会更加出彩。
评分(供参考): 9/10
亮点: 逻辑性强、建议具体、语言表达自然。继续坚持写作,你的英语会越来越棒!
作文地带优化版:
Dear classmates,
The widespread use of digital devices has led to an increase in eyesight problems, reminding us of the importance of protecting our eyes. As students, we should all take this issue seriously.
Here are some practical steps we can take. First, when using screens, ensure proper lighting and maintain a safe viewing distance. Second, make it a habit to do eye exercises daily and spend regular time outdoors. Additionally, a healthy diet rich in vitamins A and C, found in foods like carrots and oranges, can help maintain good eyesight.
Good vision is essential for our studies and daily life. Let’s all make an effort to protect our eyes and enjoy a clearer, brighter future.
改写说明:
优化逻辑衔接和段落结构:调整部分衔接方式,合理划分段落,使内容层次更清晰。
提升表达准确和用词丰富度:对部分句子和用语做了细化,让建议更具体可行。
保持原文主要信息和倡议语气:延续原有要点和呼吁口吻,未改变写作目的和受众方向。
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